I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
