he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
