i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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