Yo dont text me then not text me
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
