I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize