i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize