did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize