I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
