well I can't set my house on fire every night
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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