i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
