I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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