i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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