is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
