He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I deserve this hangover.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
