bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
