This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Randomize
