You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
