so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
