lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
