Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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