After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
