just tell him i said nine months
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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