My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize