i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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