so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize