I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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