i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
