Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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