i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
