Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
