New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We don't watch enough power rangers
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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