Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
