Define "chronic" masturbator.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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