Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize