There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
