And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
