yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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