I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
