I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
