Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
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