Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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