Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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