my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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