I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
