I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
