I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
