so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
