I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
