I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
