apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
