The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
