Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
