yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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