your parents love me but you hate me
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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