Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
