Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Drake has all the answers
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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