had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
