I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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