saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
