when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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