my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
