When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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