Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
