Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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