In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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