just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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