i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm always down for nudity.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize