Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
