The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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