I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
