maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize