I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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