I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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