I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
