im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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