Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
