This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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