when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
