May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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